I was recently in a book discussion with some friends, and I noticed something afterward that I have actually known for a long time, but which struck me in a new way:  Even those of us who love to learn can be very slow to learn from others.

What I observed–as much in myself as the others in the group–was our propensity to critique things that challenge us to think differently, and by critique I mean criticize or challenge.  Now we should read and listen critically and carefully–we can do ourselves and others a lot of harm when we simply swallow what someone else says.  Sometimes we do actually know more than someone else.  But–and here’s the challenge–we should never read or listen defensively or defiantly.  When we read or hear something that we disagree with and instinctively go to “why we don’t like it” mode, we can lose some wonderful opportunities for our own growth.

General George Patton said that “If everybody thinks alike, somebody’s not thinking.”  That’s not always true, but it’s true enough for us to pay attention.  Even if we don’t agree with the conclusions someone else comes to, we can learn a lot by understanding their concerns or by gaining information they have which we do not.  Think of it as the equivalent of looking at something three-dimensionally instead of two-dimensionally.  A photograph can be a wonderful image of something, but it’s not the same as having a model–or better yet, being able to hold or look at the real thing from different angles.  The more directions from which we can look at something, the better we know and understand it.

So, rather than simply try to argue our point–or promote our own perspective, sometimes we may just need to listen and ask ourselves, “What do I need to hear from them?” rather than, “What do I want to say to them?”  Even if we don’t ultimately change our minds, at least our views will be better informed–and that’s never a bad thing.