The Next Level

Prayer is a “dangerous” thing.  If we’re serious about it, it will change us, and many other things.  Perhaps the most “dangerous” petition in the Lord’s Prayer is this:  “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”  Without getting caught up in whether the best translation uses the word debts, sins, or trespasses, let’s remember that the key word here is forgive.  These 11 words bring us face-to-face with the one thing that does more damage to relationships than anything else:  unforgiveness.

There’s no question that we live in a litigious and increasingly argumentative society.    In so many areas of public and private life, it seems as if we thrive on hurting people–or feeling hurt.  Some people don’t seem to be happy unless they are making others miserable.  And, ironically, others don’t seem to be happy unless they feel miserable.  Yet Hebrews 12:15 warns us against allowing a “root of bitterness” to grow up.  Bitterness destroys–it destroys others, and it destroys us.  And what stands behind bitterness?  Unforgiveness–the refusal to let go of an offense–even an imaginary or unintended one.

This need to forgive is so vital that Jesus himself says in Matthew 6:14 that, if we refuse to forgive others, we ourselves will not be forgiven.  That’s a pretty dire warning!  So how do we protect ourselves, and live into Jesus’ words for us?

• Recognize that forgiveness is our choice.  It does not depend on anyone else.  It does not mean we simply forget something has happened.  It does mean that we intentionally decide to not hold something against someone.
• Cut others “slack.”  This does not mean that we abandon accountability or hard conversations.  It does mean that we recognize that we all fail, which means we all need to be forgiven.  And just as we depend on others to forgive us, they depend on us to forgive them.
• Be read to absorb pain.  In I Corinthians 6, Paul condemns the practice of suing other believers.  Instead, he says we should be willing to be wronged.  When we are wronged, we’re in good company because, let’s face it, no one endured more of it than Jesus.
• Be wary of escalating conflicts.  There are times to respond, and Jesus himself could be pretty harsh.  But in Romans 12, Paul says, “Do not repay anyone evil for evil.  If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”  Our human tendency is to punch back when punched, or to drag others into the fight.  All that often does is cause more damage.  A friend of mine once said, “Life is too short to be spent in a negative and vindictive manner.”  Wise words.
• When offended, ask if it really matters that much.  Quite often, we allow ourselves to be offended by things that were never meant to hurt us, and which we may have completely misinterpreted.  I wouldn’t be surprised if the vast majority of things that we get worked up over really aren’t that important.
• Be quick to seek and offer forgiveness.  Put another way, “keep short accounts.”  That’s the best way to keep that root of bitterness from growing up in you, and in others.  When you suspect you’ve hurt someone, go to them–quickly.  And when someone comes to you, accept the apology and let it go–immediately.
• Recognize that forgiveness and reconciliation are different.  Depending on the situation, you may forgive someone and still not trust them for legitimate reasons.  And you may have been forgiven but still need to earn someone else’s trust back.  There are some offenses that, even when forgiven, forever change a relationship.  If you doubt that, just think of David after his rape of Bathsheba.  Things were never the same, and there were consequences David simply could not avoid.
• Remember that God has already done the hard work.  II Corinthians 5:21 reminds us that “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him he might become the righteousness of God,” and in Romans 5:8 he says that “God demonstrates his own love for us in this:  While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”  It is God’s action in Jesus Christ–at God’s own initiative–that makes forgiveness possible.  And so, we can “forgive as the Lord forgave [us].”